"Once you label me you negate me." — Soren Kierkegaard
Definitions are so problematic when labeling homeschooling styles. A label limits the flexibility, the spontaneity, the changeability that attracts many people to homeschooling in the first place. Add to this a religious term like “Christian,” and your definition becomes even more laborious as it is weighed down by centuries of cultural baggage culminating in the Westernized evangelical version of churchianity prevalent in English-speaking countries.
Nevertheless, I’m going to attempt my own definition of Christian unschooling:
Christian unschooling is embracing the opportunity to keep your children at home so they can learn in a natural way through life experiences. It is trusting that God will direct their interests so they are well-equipped for life and godliness. It is believing that God will enable you with wisdom to provide encouragement, time, and resources. It is deliberately avoiding any attempts to measure or force your children’s learning according to others’ schedules and standards.
When I eagerly attended my first homeschooling seminar in 2008, I sat close to the front and took careful notes. One presenter said very clearly: “Unschooling is not a godly way of homeschooling, for our God is a god of order” (which I think he may have got from here although it’s a bit of a theological contortion).
Naïvely, I wrote down his words, swallowing the speaker’s precepts. Nowadays, I would raise my hand and politely inquire which curriculum Jesus was taught with, or — for that matter — which program Christ used when instructing His twelve disciples. (Upon further reflection, I must also question the motives of the speaker, who is the director of developer and distributor of homeschooling curriculum.)
At the time I heard about the perils of unschooling, my mind could only envision a modified school-at-home method of instructing children. Our journey to embracing unschooling is not actually one that we deliberately set out on, but it is a path that God has laid before us with gentleness.
David’s and my personal history have made it easier to reject the notion that institutionalized learning is better or even necessary for life. Neither David nor I completed university degrees. We simply practiced our trades and learned from the experts around us — me in desktop design and David in his floor-coverings trade. Our autodidacticism enabled us to pursue the skills and knowledge we needed to advance in our careers. (This is not to preclude our children from pursuing university degrees.)
So after properly analyzing our own lives in light of our research on homeschooling methods, our next step was to question the arbitrary testing and grading systems. (Institutionalized learning was unnecessary for many well-known people to “succeed” in life.) And what does a child truly need to learn for life? Is it something that can be taught by a book, practiced on worksheets and measured with a percentage score?
To these questions, add the emphasis that we place on working out our salvation daily — crucifying the sin nature so that God may manifest in us — and our goals in homeschooling become abundantly clear. We would like to be the ones who tell the stories that teach our children about life. We don’t want to give our children over to just anyone — however well-intentioned they may be. We seek to live so our children know God first and then the skills for life which necessarily must include reading, writing, and the ability to pursue knowledge.
In unschooling, we must learn to not impose the obligations of institutions upon our own children’s learning. In Christian unschooling, we must not impose religious obligations that focus on righteous living without understanding that God is the one who turns the heart to Himself. To be successful in this, we must earnestly seek God first, so we manifest the life of Christ that we want our children to learn from.
In a real sense, unschooling means we throw away the lists of age-based assessments and instead watch each child’s progress as they pursue their own interests, develop individual learning styles, build strengths and grow in knowledge and godliness. We will smile in wonder as we see each child grasp new concepts that we did not force upon them. And we will seize each teachable moment, embroidering our days with stories, questions, and conversations that lead to exploration and discovery.
This is hardly different to the traditional homeschooling parent — except that we eschew schedules, curricula, tests, and grades. As a result, we hope that our children will stand or fall on their real abilities in this world — not on how well they can meet the system’s requirements. Our prayer is that God may lead them close to Him in the process.
Perhaps it’s risky, but so are the alternatives. And this glorious risk — Christian unschooling — suits us (and others) just fine.
-Lauren
Comment Below to Enter the Giveaway Drawing!
Lauren believes strongly in being the change you want to see in the world, particularly in our children, so today she’s giving away this great kids t-shirt.
Simply leave a comment with your email address and including the size you’d prefer (2, 4, or 6 available) to be entered into the drawing. Winner will be drawn one week from today on Monday, April 9th.
“Be the change you wish to see in me. (I’m your cultural apprentice.)”
Fantastic start to what I’m sure will be an awesome blog. Congratulations!
Love the shirt too. Not sure what size my son would be (he’s an Old Navy small… 6/7 maybe. So 6 I guess – his little sister will grow into it).
I really enjoyed reading this. I would need the size 6. Thank you.
I like your definition, Lauren.
I’ve been to my share of homeschooling conferences for Christians and I’ve never heard such a bold statement against unschooling. Sad.
(no size 2,4 or 6 here. don’t pick me)
Loved this Lauren. Thanks for sharing your insights!
(We would need a size 2!)
Your definition nails it for me! I’m so grateful to have been led to unschooling and to have received the Lord’s continued support to stick with it even as I heard those around me state unschooling was not Christian.
When I completely let go and trusted Him and this life He was choosing for us, everything came together perfectly. I now have two young men, always unschooled, that I couldn’t be more proud of.
(If my name is drawn, please donate the shirt for me. Thanks!)
Thanks for adding your confidence, Dawning. It’s wonderful to hear others’ testimonies of trust and faith, especially with unschooling.
I have run into that attitude many times (along with that particular use of that verse) and am always surprised to find that they haven’t considered Christ’s own teaching method (plenty of debate out there about Jesus’ education but we have ample info on how Jesus TAUGHT and we have God’s Word to extend our understanding about how GOD helps us learn.) I think in most cases there is an extreme misunderstanding about what unschooling IS (the idea that it is chaos and that our days have no order to them– though we don’t use schedule or curriculum we do have a rhythm that changes with the seasons and current passions.) I think many imagine days of kids with utterly no direction or encouragement running amok in the streets like street urchins. Instead ours are by our side daily, talking to us, watching us, growing beside us, and we help them grow into God’s design for them, following the passions He has planted in them.
Thanks, Heather. I wonder how many other verses have been taken out of context to promote an ideology that doesn’t gel with Jesus’ way of being?
I adore this post! I’d like a size 6 if I get lucky enough to win.
It’s so sweet to say that. Thanks, Jessica!
IF ONLY we could figure out which curriculum Jesus used… too funny.
My child would be a 6, and I’ve left my email address.
Great article! And your definition of Christian Unschooling – you nailed it. BTW, I’m a newbie homeschooler morphing into an unschooler. I took my kids out of public school at the end of December. I fully embrace unschooling… But… Here’s what keeps me awake at night & full of anxiety: When it comes time for the EOY assessment (aargh) how do you prove to the gov’t that YOUR children are learning? I live in VT, and our three options are 1) Standardized testing (done at home or through the school & I hate this option) 2) teacher assessment 3)parent portfolio w/examples throughout the year of work completed in each required subject. I feel so trapped and aggrevated by this part of having the govt tell me how to teach my children, especially at a time when the public education system is severely lacking (and I recently left my position w/in the education system when we decided to homeschool)! Any advise would be appreciated!
No tshirts needed! Thanks for your blog!
Katharine– here in PA those under the homeschool law are required to do all three of those and I know multiple unschoolers here that manage it (we are under hometutor law which is similar to the private school law in PA.) One thing is that the govt actually doesn’t care too much once you get all that in. In most school districts they barely glance at a portfolio, you can find a teacher assessor who is unschool friendly (I would look at local unschool forums/groups and ask there– they will be able to better help you figure out the best option for your state), and even the with the standardized testing there are usually several options and you can choose the one that most suits your child and make it fun. If you can ‘t find an unschool friendly assessor then best bet is portfolio– take lots and lots of pictures, journal, (blogging is a simple way to do this — you can even make a cd of posts from your blog that cover each thing and call it done), list books and movies and video games and all the learning in each one. There are all kinds of ways you can do it to make it less invasive (if you know the law inside and out it helps because you can get away with the bare minimum– but make sure to add a copy of the law to your portfolio so you are sure THEY know it– school districts often don’t.)
Katherine,
We would love for you to join our Christian Unschooling group on Facebook where we can answer your questions in better detail! There are definitely ways to show your childrens’ progress in unschooling through the portfolio method.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/93561561941/
Also, you might check this list to see if there is a support group for your area: http://www.leapingfromthebox.com/hs/elists/vermont.html
Hope you can find encouragement to continue along the unschooling path. There are many who have gone before us, and we can learn a lot from them.
Having worked in preschool for 7 years I was planning on doing everything I did there at home with my kids. Forgetting how wonderful the freedom I had being a homeschooler I was determined to turn our home into a school. What was I thinking. I finally came back to my senses and now chose to go the unschooling route. We are a God loving/fearing family, my husband is a musician and I am an artist. No matter what our children take interest in, we know it is all ordained by God. He directs our path and gives us the wisdom we need in this life.
Thank you for this blog. I fully agree with every word.
Love and prayers!!
The Bird Family,
Martin, Crystal, Jedidiah and Audrey
foxgirl483@msn.com
size 4 please.
Thanks for stopping by, Crystal!
Lauren, that’s an excellent definition!! I feel like I need to wrap my head more clearly around our own family’s values and goals – not because I need to “label” them so much as because I feel like if I could clarify them the way you have here, I’d better be able to LIVE them.
We’re not a 2-4-6 family either, so don’t pick me, but I hope whoever wins enjoys!
Yes, Joan, I seek to live what I believe, and to do so, I must FIRST articulate what I believe.
New to unschooling/homeschooling as our son is 3 years old and we are just getting started. I am grateful for this site as I am trying to figure out what might work for us as a family and especially for our son. Thank you.
We could use a size 2? shirt.
It’s great that you are starting on this journey so young. Your children will grow up in freedom and will thank you for it.
You literally made me LOL with this line, “Nowadays, I would raise my hand and politely inquire which curriculum Jesus was taught with, or — for that matter — which program Christ used when instructing His twelve disciples.”
My journey, like yours, has been an evolution of de-schooling and gaining courage and insight in leading an unschooling life. Thanks so much for sharing! Great post
Yes, and why does it take so much courage to go against the flow? Why are we so bound by the norms of the culture around us? Once we work out how to live for Christ alone, we will be free from all that.
I love the timing of your post! I just googled unschooling and reading (to see what I could find about unschooled kids learning to read.) and I happened to come across your blog and this prefect post!
I am not quite sure we unschool, because up until this weekend I wasn’t giving much thought on what I called my “approach”. I have heard of unschooling but never really looked into it much.
When I read your post, it made a lot more sense to me. Thank you!
My daughter is 6 and she has special needs. Our weeks consists of park days, nature walks, gym class, library craft and story times, gardening, baking, church classes and lots of other fun activities.
She really enjoys math. She loves to add, subtract and multiply.
She loves animals and learning all about them.
Her current favorite passion is collection coins and paying for her own things with exact change at target
She thrives in art and science activities and loves to get messy outside.
However she has shown very little interest in reading. She started writing and sounding words out when she was 4 and has had no interest to go further than that. Up until recently. I quietly stressed out about this as I gave her time and didn’t push it.
I know that giving her space to learn at her own level is what she needs. Now she is writing sentences and starting to read books. The other day she drew a picture and then wrote a sentence about it. She got very excited and yelled out “wait!! when did I start writing THIS good??” It has been such a fun process that she didnt even realize she was learning so much!
I was up late last night stressing myself out over the idea of her not being at the same levels as her church peers or her cousins who are all in public school. I was praying to have God give me peace in our choices and to help me really be able to see my daughter’s needs first before I see the idea of “keeping up” with the “norm.” –Of course I see all the good in our approach, but every once and a while the outside pressure gets to me.
I think we might just be unschoolers
I really appreciate your post and I will continue to look more into unschooling.
Oh! And my daughter is a size 6 if we happen to win the drawing
Most of my stressing comes after I compare myself or my family to others. When I stop doing that, I can rest in the knowledge that I’m exactly where God designed me (and my kids) to be!
Wonderful post and description of Christian Unschooling. We’ve entered once before for a size 6 but will enter again just in case! I am going to a conference in June which will be interesting. It is supposed to focus on the relationship of mum to the family and on our mothers heart, so I keep your experience in mind as I attend. Thankyou for your generous spirit and kind and open sharing dear Lauren. X Renelle
Renelle, I hope you can find the rhythm and style that works for your family!
What a great definition of Christian Unschooling, Lauren! This will be a great resource for so many seeking answers. Always a pleasure to read your thoughts
Thanks, Shelly. It’s wonderful to be part of a good team like the one here.
We used to unschool then we were accused that if we did X then that meant we were not unschooling. I am fed up with the label.
I was from a more secular part of the country (CT) where unschooling was popular but only one religious Christian was brave enough to share that she unschooled. Every other religious Christian I knew used various boxed curriculums with very little wiggle room for creativity.
But, about us, we do everything you said above. (And we have recently moved to TX so are now surrounded by more public Christians.)
Regarding unschooling, we help our kids fulfill their goal. To that end one of your no-no’s of what you say unschooling is not is corrupted. I would like to hear your response to this point.
My older son has asked for years to become an engineer. This requires a certain college degree that has prerequistes. To this end we have buckled down in this grade 9 year to add in certain topics that my son does not want to learn (one is biology). We are also teaching study skills (he has never been tested and has never had to memorize or study). He is also learning to read attentively to a boring textbook. Since some colleges require that certain texts be used (as does the NCAA which I will get back to in a minute), we are using both exciting living books and the boring school text that looks so good on the high school homeschool transcript to college admissions officers. Well we are trying to straddle the fence between learning for curiosity’s sake and checking the boxes.
So my question is if your child wants to do a thing but that thing requires learning X, Y, and Z or even being tested with SAT, ACT or SAT II tests, would not choosing your curriculum and doing those studies *STILL* be unschooling since it’s primarily guided by the child/teen’s own internal goals? I personally feel that is the case and I feel that’s what John Holt said was a great goal, but I have been lambasted by radical unschoolers who accuse that we’re not radical enough.
Regarding the NCAA my son is doing a community sport in grade 9 that, who knows, may lead to him doing it in college. If he is to do that he must be in NCAA compliance for all 4 years of high school and they do review the transcript and exclude certain curriculum or courses that the student used. So here again the teen is deciding to maybe pursue something in college that will need a look-back to the full 4 years of high school so, it means to tweak the learning plans.
In a nutshell our homeschooling was “from birth” and was radical unschooling, then Charlotte Mason, then relaxing back to meet the learning styles rather than being so legalistics with CM method, then more classical Well Trained Mind influence but still very much eclectic and individualized. We’ve only done 3 semesters of co-ops and this year are 100% doing home studies. The 2 boys have done Cub Scouts, Boy Scouts, Junior FIRST LEGO League, FIRST LEGO League, FIRST Robotics League, Science Olympiad, and community sports, park days, play dates, in addition to home studies (how’s that for socialization).
Thank you. Can’t wait to hear your input.
Hi Christine,
Essentially you’re asking me to judge whether you’re unschooling or not. I can’t do that.
Labels *are* problematic. You can be “unschoolers” if you want. If other people say you’re not unschooling, that’s a reflection on *their* own prejudices and limitations rather than on your homeschooling methods.
Once we let *other* people’s opinions change the way we perceive ourselves, once we let their words affect our actions, we are no longer connecting to the Source, to the Life, to the Way.
God is leading you in making the decisions you have… even if you change your mind about them later on. It’s all part of the journey, and few journeys are without twists and turns. Rest in the way you are going and pursue the Kingdom of God within you first of all.
I love your reply Lauren. And I totally agree. ChristineMM it sounds like you are guiding your children in how to reach their own goals. Now, when those goals become something other than their own- then you might worry. For now, find what works for YOUR family and learn away!
Thank you for your reply. I have chosen to stop using labels and just focus on the learning. In the end that is what is important.
I have been just calling what we do homeschooling and whatever definitions people think that means, is not something I can control. I just let the labels go.
I applaud you talking about Christian Unschooling because I do not feel that unschooling is not anti-Christian, and that is a myth that needs busting.
Wonderful post, Lauren! Thank you so much for stating so eloquently what I am unable to say sometimes.
Erica, I have found so much inspiration in others’ writings too. God leads us to these words at the right time so that we can be edified.
Just found this blog and have been really enjoying it. Thank you so much for sharing your experience and journey. I feel so blessed to have found a community of “gentle” Christian parenting after facing so many dictates to spank, schedule and train my children!
Size 4 for my little guy, please.
Lauren, this was beautifully written. It made me feel inspired anew, although I’m not new to unschooling. Thank you for that. <3
Love this shirt! I would need a size 2 please
I am so glad to have found this blog. I am (mostly) unschooling my three children but often find myself second guessing myself. It’s hardest for me when well meaning but somewhat judgmental people ask me if my children have studied this or that yet. And most of the time they have and yet something inside me cringes, wondering if I’ve done a good enough job. I’m looking forward to reading more here.